you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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