apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
