NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
