I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
