I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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