Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
