I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
