I hate your face
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
