i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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