Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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