i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
