ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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