I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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