Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
