Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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