Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
