I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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