I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
