The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
