Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
