True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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