Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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