Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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