and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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