I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
