Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
