Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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