What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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