you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize