I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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