Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
