I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize