i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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