i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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