2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
someone owes me an orgasm
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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