what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
