its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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