Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
