I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
