i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
