it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
