a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I have peed in a lot of sinks
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
