oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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