just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I could have mohawked her pubes.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize