i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
All the doctor said was why
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