We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
