I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
