Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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