well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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