someone get that fucking seahorse.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
