and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize