She is in my trunk
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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