i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
