Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
nutella sex= disaster
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize