It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
