Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize