i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
