I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
