I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
