I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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