Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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