Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
