all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
