he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
