Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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