That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
