His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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