And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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