God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
