Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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