so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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