She's JV to your varsity
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
