Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
