How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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