I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
