he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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