He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
did you just send me my own nude
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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