Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
