what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
