I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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