break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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