That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
