You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
