I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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