She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
