he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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