i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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