You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I am available for nakedness
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
