people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
