so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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