Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
